I love your blue eyes.

A man had been enjoying a few adult beverages at a holiday party. A woman caught his eye, and he began to flirt. After a few moments, he complimented her blue eyes.

Unfortunately, for this man, this well-endowed woman had brown eyes. She was wearing a blue sweater.

I didn't throw anything at your car, sir.

A carload of teenagers was riding through town on its way from their high school to their respective homes. Unbeknownst to the driver and front passenger, the right rear passenger was throwing M&Ms out of his window and deliberately towards the trailing vehicle.

Shortly after the car stopped at a traffic light, behind several other cars, a fairly large man suddenly appeared at the right rear window. Because the window was open enough to allow M&M's to be thrown out, it was also open enough for this man to reach both arms into the vehicle and grab the right rear passenger.

There was nothing anyone could do. The man was yelling about the right rear passenger throwing M&M's at his car. The right rear passenger was lying and saying, "I didn't throw anything at your car, sir." The other rear passengers were frozen in fear. And the driver was stuck behind other vehicles and with oncoming traffic in the other lane.

The only passenger who potentially had options was the front passenger, who was examining door lock and window options. Unfortunately, the man was very observant and watching the front passenger while gripping the right rear passenger.

Within moments, fortunately, the light turned green, the blocking vehicles moved forward, and the driver seized the opportunity to accelerate. The man had no choice but to disengage. And, fortunately, he either could not pursue or he chose not to. Either way, the right rear passenger continued to receive a verbal beating for the remainder of the journey, especially from the driver.

Talking dirty... and loudly...

For a short time, two men shared living accommodations. At night, both men typically spent their time talking telephonically with their respective wives.

One night, while one of the men was talking to his wife, he overheard his roommate and burst out laughing. Of course his wife wanted to know why, and so he began to explain.

Because of the size of the room, both men tended to talk quietly. Apparently, the one man's wife wanted him to talk dirty to her. And, apparently, she couldn't hear him well. And, so, out of frustration, the man said what she wanted to hear loud enough for her to hear it clearly. And, out of frustration, the man unfortunately forgot that he had a roommate... until he heard the laughter, anyway.

Now one man was explaining to his wife why he was laughing so hard, and the other was explaining to his wife why she could hear laughing in the background.

The Grandmaster's Queen

Have you ever played against a chess grandmaster?

There are events in which multiple players are lined up with their boards and the champion walks around and plays against all of them simultaneously. He moves to one board, makes his move, and then moves on to the next board.

There is a feeling of exhilaration when you seize the opportunity to take his queen. For a short time you think, "maybe I can actually win."

A few moves later you realize it was a trap.

A few minutes later you realize that the only pride available goes to whoever survives the longest against him.

Impromptu Taco Making Class

An American is newly arrived to South Korea.  He goes with a few friends to a restaurant in Seoul, and the restaurant has a taco bar where you can choose hard tacos and/or soft tacos, add whatever you want, and add however much you want.

Simply because he hasn't eaten tacos for a long time, he takes care to create several masterpieces. He not only adds almost everything available, but he adds them in a deliberate sequence.

A nearby Korean couple notices the silent enthusiasm with which this meal is being prepared. Despite knowing limited English, the husband asks the American to teach step-by-step taco assembly to his wife.

A few minutes later, the culinary cultural exchange was complete. The American was happy to share, the Koreans were happy to learn, and the tacos turned out to be absolutely delicious.

Simon says, "speak Korean."

An English teacher in Korea enforces a strict English-only policy in his classrooms. He is so strict, in fact, that one day, while playing Simon Says, he tries out, "Simon says, 'speak Korean.'" The students were so confused over whether or not they were actually authorized to speak Korean, that not one of them spoke a word. Ironically, on "Simon says, 'speak Korean,." an entire class of Korean students was "out."

No, no, no, we're cousins.

A man shops at the same convenience store several times per week. He notices that the same woman usually works mornings, the same man usually works afternoons, and sometimes they have lunch together in the early afternoon when they change shifts. They both seem to be equally in charge, as if co-owners. And the woman seems to end her shift at a good time to go home before children return home from school.

One afternoon, while everyone was present, the male employee told the customer that the woman thought he was handsome. This felt awkward, especially under the assumption that the two employees were a married couple. So, in an attempt to diffuse this awkwardness, he asked, "how long have you two been married?"

Both employees began to scream, "no, no, no, we're cousins."

So much for making the situation less awkward.